May....

You may have closed your eyes that night,

You may have chosen to move on,

You may have ended the pain and suffering,

But why should that mean you are gone?

And though

I may be hurting like I've never hurt before

I am glad you are in peace.

Your pain and suffering has ended,

You don't have a reason to cry any more.

You may have thought you were alone,

and I know how that can feel.

You may have felt like there was no exit,

Like there was no place you could call home.

Your body may be six feet under

But your home--your home is here

In my heart.

I loved you since before you were born

I loved you when I taught you math

I loved you when you picked on me

I loved you when I picked on you

I loved you when I said goodbye

I loved you when you made me cry

I loved you when you made me laugh

I loved you when I left our house

I loved you when I went back

I loved you when you were here

And

Of course I love you now. 

I will always love you

And you will never again be alone. 

To my Heidy, my alborotito, with all my heart.

From your almost-sister, your T.u.T.a

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

Well, Here It Goes

It's been barely over two weeks and I already want to stop. I don't like the meds. I don't like how I feel--tired, nauseous, sick. But if I want to feel better eventually, I have to keep going.

I don't like that I wonder what it would be like to take all the pills at once. I don't like seeing a car speeding towards me and wanting to jump in front of it. I don't like not wanting to do anything. I don't like crying every day.

And again, I must keep going if I want to feel better eventually.

I do it not for me. I do it for him. I do it for them. For my Alborotito, who lost her own battle. For my Gordito, who's fighting his own demons. For my Manita and my Mami. Because I know how much they'd suffer, I have to keep going. I have to keep trying no matter how hard it is.

"You think that Luck

Has left you there.

But maybe there's nothing

up in the sky but air.

And there's no mystical design,

No cosmic lover preassigned.

There's nothing you can find

that can not be found.

'Cause with all the changes

you've been through

It seems the stranger's always you.

Alone again in some new
wicked little town."

Hedwig - A very smart woman